Room for Thought: Why It Is Totally Okay to Choose You

In life we are taught so many great lessons but also some confusing ones and while throwing out a quote fit for a wall decal is not that hard, life is not always easy. Which is why I want to talk about why it is totally okay to choose You!

_DSC0858

If there is one thing that I struggle with it’s making decisions. I have a tendency to think too long and hard on certain matters and in the end it is still hard for me to decide whether the decision I have made, was the right one. I know that this stems from my insecurity. Ever since I was a little girl I have felt a certain pressure to fit in and to be liked, add to that a certain obsession for perfection and you have the perfect mix for anxiety. It is easy for me to doubt the things I do based on what other people give me as feedback, and while their advice at times is really useful I should be able to trust my own judgements as well.

So this weekend as I was hanging out with the guy I had been dating for a little over a month now, I decided to choose Me. If he was not sure whether he would develop actual feelings for me, beside the-I-love-hanging-out-with-you type of feelings, and that being a determining factor in whether he could ever see himself in a relationship with me, then I was not going to sit around and wait for that to happen or not. I think that often in life we are inclined to settle too early because we are afraid that it will be our final opportunity. With the pressure of social media and increased publicity of everyone’s relationships, it is easy to feel left out or undesirable. There are no hard feelings towards the guy in question, he is incredibly kind, but I want more than that and in that moment how he felt did not comply with the idea of what I think I deserve and need. That does not make me needy or picky, it makes me a person who recognizes that in this life I will be living the longest with myself and therefore my happiness matters, a lot.

But this idea does not solely apply to relationships, I remember being utterly disappointed in the response of my family (with a few exceptions) when I broke the news that I had finished my first Bachelor’s degree. One of my relatives started the argument that I was not really finished because I did not have a Masters degree yet. In that moment I really started to doubt myself, did it not mean anything that I had finished one of my two Bachelors degrees in only two years time? Was I doing this just for the approval of my family because I felt that I needed to repay their efforts in some way? Their response made me incredibly insecure while I had been flooded with feelings of joy and pride. After having a breakdown I realized that I was not doing this for them, it does not matter that they were not as excited as I thought they would be. I did what I thought I could not have done, especially considering finding out I have quite a bad attention deficit (should have known that). So I choose Me and decided that I was proud of my accomplishments and juggling the 1000 things I try to manage all at once.

And finally, it is okay to choose you when it comes to friendships. About two weeks ago one of my closest friends moved back from England and I have not hung out with her since. I have simply not had the time and when we did manage to find a slot in our busy schedules I canceled. Not because I did not want to see her, but after a week of intens meetings and sleepless nights I was extremely exhausted but also really needed to be by myself for a little while. I knew I had a busy weekend ahead of me and I could really use all the rest I could get. I felt extremely bad at first but I still stand by my choice to choose Me. I did not want to risk having to cancel my other appointments that weekend, I was extremely tired and I know that when I will see her it will all be okay.

I am urging you to not feel bad when you choose You, whatever the situation might be. You will often know what is best for you and therefore there is no need to have your happiness rest on the shoulders of others. It is okay to make mistakes and to struggle, that is part of life because in the end what matters most is that you are happy with who you are.

Love,
Nica

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s