When your parents get divorced you often go through a rough period. Memories of that period are often more negative than positive and my experience has not been any different. One of the good memories that I do have is watching Bridget Jones with my father his girlfriend (now wife) and always realising that my life would probably run a similar course (eleven year old Nica was already very aware of her personality). So today I thought it would be time to write down why my life is so similar to hers. Here we go!
1. Much like Bridget Jones I am extremely uncoordinated and clumsy. If you have seen the movies you will without a doubt remember the whole skiing-incident when poor unexperienced Jones finds herself going down the slopes without a single clue of what to do. My story is quite similar, luckily for me I found myself in an indoorhall instead of out in the open (cannot imagine how that could have ended positively). My life motto has always been ‘Fake it till you make it’. If there is one thing which I cannot stand it is not being good at something. This goes from being terrified of my first kiss because what if I was terrible (my first kiss was terrible but I am going to blame that one on my ex) till buying figure skates because I figured that if I would suck at iceskating I might as well look good while failing. Wintersports were no exception to this rule which is why I decided I wanted to snowboard rather than ski. If you fail on a snowboard you will at least look cool while doing it. In my personal opinion, with skiing… not so much. So flashback to last year when my best friend decided that he would learn me how to snowboard. The result? Me recklessly going down babyslopes and still being able to fall-down every other try. Luckily for me the entire debacle has been eternalised on film… In those 4 hours I managed to go down the indoor slope spinning (which apparently requires skills which I did not know I had, it was more my live or die instinct kicking in) falling on my knees so many times that when I woke up the next morning I looked like I had been severely kicked, at one point I was convinced that I would have to get my hip replaced because of the enormous bruises covering what seemed every inch of my flesh. I can see you thinking “She’s definitely exaggerating…” I wish I was…
2. Remember that scene when Jones shows up to brunch wearing a bunny suit? Having misinterpreted the dresscode? I cannot say that I have every found myself in such a situation however much like Bridget I do happen to find myself in awkward situations on a very regular basis. I am pretty sure that I have mentioned before the one time when my top dropped during a game of basketball with a group of very religious boys. That was interesting to say the least, especially since my bra was easter yellow… But my latest awkward experience has to do with my undies being kidnapped by the guy I stopped dating over a month ago. People date, things do not work out and people move on, that is life. In my case things not working out is not necessarily an entirely new experience, this time was no different. Because before things went down-hill we spend a lot of time together I had left some stuff of mine at his place. We lived quite far away from each other and because I have classes every day I did not like the idea of having to bring an extra bag of stuff every time I went to his place. When we ended things this did not happen face to face which meant that my stuff was still at his place. Now had it been just a mascara and some make-up wipes I would not have cared. Sadly I was stupid enough to leave behind one of my favourite bras, a pair of undies, a mascara, skincare products and some other stuff with a total value of around €50… I know, I know I should not have left my stuff there in the first place but little did I know that over a month later I would still be bothering the guy for my stuff… Each time I texted him he would say that he would mail my stuff the next day but more days passed and up until this point I still have not seen my stuff. My friends joked about the things he might be doing with my undies and as the time passed I found myself picturing the guy wearing my favourite bra. Now I doubt he would do so but who knows! I texted him again last week literally telling him that he was pretty much kidnapping my undies and that I could go to the police because he was holding my stuff against my will and if that is not sad then I do not know what is (I love the bra but I would not actually go to the police). So if everything goes the way he says it will I will have my stuff later on this week, yay! #SavetheUndies #BuyCheapLingerieForTinderDates
3. How about that time she slides down the fire pole and ends up showing her ‘lovely’ panties on live telly? Wardrobe malfunctions are sadly also something that I am accustomed to. My father owns two boats and in the Summer we would often go to the lake and tube behind the boat. My father is no stranger to speed and throwing us out of the tube may have motivated him to go just a little faster. My clumsiness resulted in flipping the tube which caused my bikini-top to pursue freedom… Luckily I managed to control the damage so my breasts found their way back into the top as fast as they got out. That time nobody really noticed but there was also the bikini-bottom incident of (I believe) 2009. My father and stepmother took us to France that Summer, because my stepmother was pregnant at the time we did spend a lot of time near the pool (I am not complaining). One morning I was just casually chilling at the side of the pool when my brother decided that I needed to be pushed in the water so I was shoved into the pool. My bikini-bottom was not a big fan of the plan so the strings decided to get stuck in the poolfilter which resulted in my bikini-bottom untying. I could feel the tugging of the strings so luckily I managed to grab the strings before my fannyflaps fell out for all the world to see. My brother who could not stop laughing had to help me because I could not untie the strings from the filter without having to let go. Ever since I have always made sure to have my bottoms double-knotted.
I could go on describing my love life but that in itself could fill a book so for now let us just keep it at this. I hope you enjoyed this post!