Room for Thought #10 Have You Met the One?

It is Monday, which means it is time for a new Room for Thought and today it will be about a topic which I love to give advice on. This week I am talking about Love.

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At this point in my life I am at a confusing part where half of my friends are engaged and have children and the other half still parties their asses off every weekend. While it is the worst thing one can do, I have always compared my life to that of others and with those two sides I find myself utterly confused at times. Now do not get me wrong, I am in no way near ready for marriage or children as I still have no clue who I am. Nor am I at this point ready for a serious relationship. However, looking around me and seeing that some people of my age are popping out children left to right I cannot help but wonder if I am missing something.

My love life has never really been very serious. The longest relationship I have every been in lasted 2,5 months (for someone who likes the idea of commitment I seem to have some issues when it comes to being in an actual relationship). I have always been single during the holidays (or my boyfriend overslept which led to a very awkward brunch having to explain to all my relatives where that guy of mine was) and I have in no way been spared the “You’re still single? But you are so beautiful!” speech. I have been thinking a lot about relationships and especially what is wrong and right when it comes to being in love and here is my conclusion:

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Whatever you are doing, it’s okay! So if you find yourself single as a pringle chilling by yourself on Saturday night, that is perfectly fine. If you are never single for any longer than 48 hours then that is perfectly fine as well (as long as you are not using people as rebounds of course). I do not think that it is possible to pin point the exact time and place when the right person comes along for you. While I most certainly feel pressured at times because who has not been in a long committed relationship when they are 21 (me obviously). I do believe that things work out the way they are supposed to. The most important part is being happy. I have seen so many young people dreading on their relationships because they cannot bear the thought of being single. How did that ever become an option?

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When it comes to life, we are the only ones we are accountable for (and when you have children then till they’re like 18). It is ourselves that we have to live with the longest. So I do not think it is weird that we make choices that we think are best for us. While I have pulled some pretty crazy manoeuvres I do believe that all the choices that I have made were the right ones for me at the time. I think that it is so important to realize at the end of a relationship that this is not the end of everything. It will hurt but things happen for a reason. While that person may have felt to be your soulmate. Just realize that they were probably a great lesson and prepared you for the next great person.

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However, I would like to move past the idea that life revolves around finding the right person. I would like to believe that my character, the things I have done and the things I will achieve, mean more than the idea of my marriage, children and such. I refuse to believe that is my only purpose. I most certainly believe that love can enrich your life but like I mentioned before I do feel that in the end what matters most is that you feel accomplished and satisfied with who you have become and what you have achieved. I do not think that being successful in life is defined by whether you have found love or not.

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Finally, someone once told me that they thought that we fall in love with a person not a gender or a haircolour or even someone’s length. This is something which has stuck with me ever since and I still do believe it to be true. While all the boys I have dated all had awful Dutch names, they never really had anything in common. I think that we fall in love with a person, with their character and who they identify with. I do not really have a type and I think that when it comes down to it, having types does not really matter. I like to believe that love is about meeting the right person rather than meeting someone who fits your checklist.

Well, that was it for today. I hope you guys liked today’s post and I am very curious as to what you think of this. Do you believe in having a type or rather in falling for an individual? Let me know!

Love,
Nica

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